brika

upwards, over the mountain

2008-11-28T07:36:55Z

iron and wine is going to make me kill myself.

i quit my job, i want to move to denver, and i'm completely consumed by the longing to be with someone who's is 900 miles away. i gave one of my cats away to her original owner, and my own cat is being a WHOLE LOT nicer. all i've purchased in the past week was a salad at ihop, in my attempt to save money and move to Colorado. i quit smoking, quit drinking (at least for a while w/ the drinking), and have found a certain peace being in my room all the time with a guitar, shit to draw with, books and a computer.

thanks giving is over; i'm thankful for a lot of things, but desperate for a few more. i'm not talking about items, i'm talking about circumstances... i want to be "crazy" for a while, and i want to take a fucking chance.

i have yet to seriously miss virginia. i have yet to have any reason to dislike texas. i have so far fallen in love with what i consider to be the most amazing state, that is colorado.

xxo-briks

the stars at night, are big and bright (clap clap clap clap) deep in the heart of TEXAS!!!

2008-11-11T18:50:04Z

so, i'm living in north texas now; fort worth to be exact. for those who care, it's like 45 minutes from dallas, but NOT dallas. so my previous post is indeed what happened. i'm living with my parents, enjoying the financial freedoms of that, making lots of new friends and not regretting my decision.

i've since turned 25, moved 1400 miles from home, quit my first "real" job i had after college and obtained my second "real" job, which sucks btw. been diagnosed with hypothyroid, which was bitter-sweet; at least after two years i now know whats wrong w/ me and i can treat it. my cats have begun destroying one another, thus on friday i will give Daisy back to one of her rightful owners, mr. chuck reith.

you know, texas isn't half bad. even w/ all the super religious folk, and the die-hard conservatives... its eye opening. everyone said "why would you go there?" and i always say "whynot?" as long as i don't let it change me, as long as i leave when i've had enough... i mean come on, you can't beat free rent and a POOL in your back yard, eh?

ultimately, i moved down here to reinvent myself... so far i've done a little reinventing, but not much. i still work a job i'm not fond of, b/c i feel like i have to... but i have become more involved within the community; i plan on volunteering for the Great Plains Restoration Society, and have been donating my sundays to the Fort Worth Burrito Project, aka feeding the hungry. as depressing as this can be, and as frustrating, it's one of my favorite things to do every week... keeps me level-headed and really reminds me how f'ed up our system can be.

anyhow, the recent election has left me more proud that i've ever been to be an american. i was really starting to have my doubts, but the overwhelming response, Obama's election... its inspiring! i think i'm about due for some more change in my own life, but i'm going to Denver first to let-loose before i dive back into uncertainty.

this past week i saw the following bands...
-Chuck Ragan, Tim Barry, and Ben Nicols (hotwater, avail, lucero)
-BANE, H2O

Now, i will say, the Revival Tour with CR, TB, and BN blew my mind. I wasn't a huge fan of Tim until I saw him preform, and now i'm gay for him. BANE was unlike any BANE show i've ever seen. they played a huge club with not a lot of kids, and NO STAGE DIVING, even tho kids did it a few times. i had the mic in my face several times, dog-piles several times, and screaming, pumping, stomping and jumping while grasping onto the singers shirt, trying to hold myself up. I dont know what it is; seeing Bane and Tim Barry made me miss the east coast, but what they have to say, and their message is what reminds me that i'm doing what i need to do here in texas...

...in the end, who knows where i'll end up???

<3b

ps.

when you feel like life's too long
and it's cadence is all wrong
keep your step and time
but change your way

can't make everything right now
ain't sense in slowing down
when you leave this world alone, what will you take

if what you seek ain't free, then steal it
if it ain't necessity, you don't need it
just leave what's left, for who comes next

if i had words to comfort you, i'd say them
i'd give you everything i got, if you need it
going west, come with me, just stay the same

don't ever change

-tim barry

living breathing cancer

2008-01-07T02:06:04Z

i'm going through my usual mid-winter (mild) depression; virginia... fight or flight syndrome. i went back through previous years in my LJ archives, and found this is a typical thought process i enter into during the december - february timeframe, though i think this is probably the last year i'm willing to put up with it. northern virginia has always been a place i've wanted to leave, and i think i just need to DO IT.

that being said, i dont have the money or the decision-making power to choose WHERE, so perhaps my decision will be made for me... and we all know what that means.

parents... do you have room for 1 more in your mini-mansion on a golf course in central texas, that has a relatively unused swimming pool, mini-gym and game room?! thanks... me and the cats will LOVE it! much better than paying out the ass for a small 2 bedroom i have to share, with poor vetilation, a mold problem, and seasonal flooding... did i mention in northern virginia?!

big sighs... its like, 74 degrees in central texas right now. i mean, i KNOW... its TEXAS right? but, it'll be a cheap way to get a better "footing" and also be more central in the US to make traveling easier to the cities i want to look into living in...

so, 2008... not much different than the past years. i'm in a funk, i saw it coming, my feet are cold, still smoking, still planning on quitting, still wanting to move... only my tollerance threashold is being advanced upon quite rapidly...

does anyone still use livejournal?

well-deserved update

2006-10-22T21:41:47Z

i realize people use myspace "blogs" now, but i think they're lame, and add to my stalkability. so, i'm bored, i figure i'll update this thing. a lot of times all i use this for now is to go back to previous years and see what i was doing/thinking/feeling around the same time. its insane to go back and read how negative i was, and how stressed and psycho i always sounded. i think i've severely mellowed over the past year or so... totally different person.

since the last time i wrote, a few months short of a full year ago... i was working close to full time, going to school full time, and living in a chaotic house that was entirey too small. i quit that job, got through school, got my DIPLOMA a few months ago, and got into a new house.

i'm currently living with two girls (shocker) and a guy in springfield, i got a job in old-town at a project management consulting firm doing recruiting, and i'm bartending part time for some extra cash. i've managed to sort-through the people in my life and i feel pretty confident that i've managed to keep the people that matter close, and i've continued to meet decent people that are awesome to hang out with, and not entirey too demanding. the only thing i'm afraid of is turning into a yuppie trying to "fit in" at my job. so long as i dont start drinking cosmopolitans and/or martinis, mojitos, or frequenting tapas restaurants, i'm sure i'll be fine...

dave and i are still together; going on two years in january... WOW!!! i wont dish too many personal details, but i will mention we've never been in a fight, and i dont feel either of us have sacraficed ourselves to be together. somehow we've managed to make it work through our crazy schedules and polar opposite levels of socialization...

ok, so then its october. this is the first year i've really realized how much i LOVE fall... and i'm so excited it seems to FINALLY be here COMPLETELY! i never realized also how much weather in virginia fluxuates. humidity, wind, temperature, cloudiness, ect... just a week ago it was so warm and kinda humid, with still air... and yesterday it was perfectly dry, windy, and sunny... around 65 degrees and cold at night!

i cant wait for halloween. i need to find fake brains btw for my costume... perhaps a ballet skirt as well. i dont ruin it quite yet as to what my costume will be, but i'm very excited and proud of myself for coming up with it. i just hope i pull it off as well as i hope to.

i'm watching land of the dead right now, and my cat is fighting with the chihuahua... gotta go...

weird dreams...

2006-02-20T10:08:11Z

I had a dream today i as in san francisco headed down some huge hill to the water where you can see alcatraz (probably inspired by the eddie izzard "dress to kill" dvd), and the city was flooding. granted, i've never been to san fran, i was picturing it so that down by the water, whatever roads i was on, the traffic moving was splashing water everywhere from moving cars, the roads were SO flooded, but no one seemed to notice... and it was creepy. then somehow i ended up in something similar to an airport where we were waiting to go through a revolving door, and either someone was chasing me, not sure who; or we were in a race against time somehow. and i'm not sure who i was with, but i was with someone else. and somehow, there was like, a fucking 10 foot snake and some kind of panther or lion chasing me. maybe thats when my cats started pouncing on me in my sleep. but we were scared of the snake and cat, but someonw i think we ended up pitting them against one another and escaping. i remember finally making it through the revolving door and... thats it! there were a lot more details than that but i'm not sure thats important... i just think the things i dream about are so strange sometimes... i want to start remembering them.

am i gay for wanting a dream dictionary? i used to always have nightmares about tornados, even tho i've never been in one, i've only seen one once... but even BEFORE that i'd have nightmares about them! i think i just need to BE IN ONE and survive of course, and i'll get over it. i think subconciously i just want to see what it would be like to experience being in one... as scared as i am of them!

by the way, its 5 am and i cant sleep. i haven't been sleeping well lately, BUT i'm putting in my 2 weeks notice today so. that's that. hopefully stress will lower and i'll be able to sleep through the night!

so as i was re-reading my dream scenario, this is what i came up with...

the snake and panter thing are my boss and my supervisor (i'm not sure who's my boss anyways). they're on one side of the door which is my crappy job, and i want to get to the other side of the revolving door (representing my actual putting in my 2 weeks notice). hopefully, in me leaving they'll turn on one another and realize the problems they're left with (that were always there and that i tried to deal with) allowing me to escape easily, once i make it through that door. whats on the otherside? a big fucking flood! a flood of schoolwork, a flood of jobsearching... hah! thats my hippy-interpretation of the situation. or you could just say my brain is making up weird stories b/c i'm stressed out!

happy vd... suckers

2006-02-15T00:54:16Z

ok, so in previous years i'm sure i bitched about valentine's day and how much i hated it. last year i did have a boyfriend; it was new and fun and exciting... this year i've still got the same one; its still exciting, but not so much new, though i'm ok with that. but onto the real reason i'm updating this piece after so long; an oncoming nervous breakdown.

thats right! i can feel it coming. yeup! and i'm not sure what is different that is making me feel insane:
perhaps the near future, reality, graduation, real-jobs, ect...
perhaps my house that i am miserable and have been miserable for a year and a half, and i'm stuck living here for another 3 months...
perhaps its the fact that i've been sick for 2 months now (i'm not exagerating) and i have a fractured rib (painful) and i can't sleep throught the night...
perhaps my sleeplessness has something to do with 2 kitties dancing all over me and climbing the walls all night...
perhaps my hormones are fucked up and i'm having mood swings b/c my doctor replaced my birth control with sugar pills...
PERHAPS it has something to do with the fact that all i do is work and school! and when i try to do other things, no one else is available, they don't pick up their phones, they lie... yes, lie and say they're tired or busy and then do something else...

or... perhaps all this would be well and fine if i didn't feel so excluded/secluded, whatever. one of my best friends is basically engaged, she's moving, she works full time now, and she never answers her phone or calls me back, but somehow always has time for the person she's going to be legally obligated to be with forever... another lives in DC and has the worst case of A.D.D i've ever known and forgets about me sometimes (i'm sure of it)... my boyfriend works all week and so i know we wont see eachother; thats how it's always been and i'm ok with that. my roomates all hate me b/c they're irreponsible and inconsiderate and i let them know it on a regular basis. the one roomate that i DO get along with i'm sure hates me somehow deep down, and is just trying to be nice. i'll take what i can get for now.

but yeah. other than that i'm on the outs with my "groups" of friends who i havent spent time with in a long time. the busier i get, the more time i want to take to do something RANDOM to get my mind off of things, and the busier other people are; nothing ever works out! i've been watching a lot of tv lately and i hate it! i hate tv, i've never liked tv, and i'm watching "room raiders" on fucking mtv where skanky 19 year old girls fight over 20 year old jocks with bad taste...

ok, so nervous breakdown... all my life i've thought that shrinks and talk-sessions, yoga and chai tea were bullshit, but i'm about to buy into it. i was almost kind of scared i was going to throw a temper-tantrum in class today b/c people were moving desks around, and they were making this horrible noise on the tiles... little things to me are like nails down a chalkboard right now.

i donno, who cares. i'm trying not to...

!

2005-12-02T21:11:02Z

i'm taking 3 credits over winter break and then i have 13 credits in the spring... and i'm done! i only really have to take 10 in the spring but i might take all 13 just for the hell of it. i cant believe i'm almost done with college! i cant believe that people who started at the same time as me have already been done!!! the funny thing is people finished before me and i still feel like i've been busting my ass to get through school... even though it took 5 years.

i've been contemplating living alone after i gradate; i've been contemplating living alone NOW! but, i cant help but feel like that would be an entirely huge waste of money... especially b/c i'll be cramped into some tiny apartment thats way overpriced. has anyone ever looked at the apartment buildings, like in springfield or fair lakes, and really thought how many poeple are living on-top-of one another? right up eachothers asses!!! its insane. i also like that i pay pocket change for rent. its nice...

so the philosophical season has begun... fall and winter are my thinking time, and i've already had about enough. there is definately to much inner monologue going on right now; stressing about things that are irrelivant or that are so far off i'm better off waiting to stress about... but also i'm beginning to have a lot of power struggles between my extreme liberal side (which i love), and my desire to survive above the poverty line (which i do not love). deciding whether i should sell out and just try to get an awesome job that pays well to start off, like in advertising or marketing, but i despise those areas of the media... though i'm bound to be poor starting a career in videography...

videography... come on!!! unless i'm amazingly good or someone gives me a shot in the dark, i'll be lucky to live off of 20k a year! i almost already make that!!! i also already spend way to much on stupid shit.

the thing thats been on my mind most is money and how fucking ridiculous it really is. think about it... i mean it sounds crazy b/c everybody knows that a dollar is made of paper, and so are checks, and credit cards are plastic and magnets... but REALLY think about that! i've been sending checks for multiples of thousands of dollars to companies through work, and its insane! i look at a number like $140,576.45 written on a check, and my jaw drops, and waters a bit. then, i think about how its a fucking piece of paper! a 3.5" by 8.5 piece of paper!!! crazy. i took cash out of the bank for something to pay my roomate back, and just held the whad of money thinking... paper. this is the most valuable paper in my LIFE! but its just paper.

paper... crazy. i hate it. i really hate money! i mean i'm not hippy wearing the same thing every day, i like having nice things, but to a certain extent. living above my means is another thing; a think that credit created. i made the realization that credit is the devil, but i'm not getting sucked into that perminent trap! its sad to me to think that so many people are so in debt in our country b/c they feel they NEED so many things that they just dont! thats why i hate advertising! all it does is plant ideas in peopels minds making them want things that if they never saw, they'd never "need". and i'm just as guilt.

these are the things that fall (along with too much folk and blues) makes me think about...

the semester is almost over. its almost christmas... thats all i got...

all of a sudden i'm a freshman again!!!

2005-10-07T00:48:00Z

Do you have a completely irrational fear?
...tornados, spiders, and my cats running away

Do you have too many love interests?
...i love my cats and i love dave, and they're all interesting

Who would play you in a movie?
...probably someone old trying to be young like renee zelwigger

What do you carry with you at all times?
...most common pocket items are lighters and my cell phon

Are you happy with your given name?
...its ok, but i go by brika b/c its easier. no one says "brika who? blonde brika or short brika?"

What color is your bedroom?
...white walls, orange and silver ikea shit, and green/teal other stuff

What was the last song you were listening to?
...probably something totally awesome that i unfortunately cannot remember

Do you talk a lot?
...i'd have to say yes. most definatley yes.

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
...i bust people's balls alot, but i love those i love. i also hate those i hate... i guess it depends which side of the grass you're on

What's one trait you hate in a person?
...laziness

What do you cook the best?
...if i can boil it and dump canned sauce on it, it turns out pretty good!

Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
...physically i blend in, but vocally i probably stand out... but i can always shut up?

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
...i've contemplated it for like drag nights or halloween and stuff, but i think my boobs are too big to try to fake it

Burial or cremation?
...i dont want any maggots chillin in my skull, so i'll choose cremation; each "loved one" will get a small container and scatter me where they think i'd like to be. cute? i thought so too!

What's one thing you're a loser at?
...being a landlord. 4 boys vs. me = i'm a big fuckin loser

If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
...probably ignore them at first, then talk shit, then downright tell them i dont like them and politely ask them to go away, and finally i'd probably do something fucked up like dump paint thinner all over their car... (sike)?

Do you cry in front of your friends?
...i rarely cry, and if i do i'm alone, and if i'm not then i'm on the phone with someone, unless i'm with my boo, then maybe my eyes will tear up, but none will DROP!

What's one thing you like to do alone?
...listen to/find music, make mix cds, read...

Favorite communication method?
...in person

Do you think you're cute?
...i think i'm abnoxious

Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
...not at all. i live w/ 4 boys and change w/ my door open, not for attention but out of pure laziness and lack of caring

Would you die to save the life of someone you deeply love?
...thats a shitty question and i dont like it

Are your friends married or single?
...its 50/50... but more and more are either getting married or on their way

Do you own a Bible?
...no

What is the strangest pet you've ever owned?
...i had a wild bunny that we nursed back to health... and then it bit me and escaped and i had to get a rabies shot!!! (not really; well about the rabies thing anyways)

Do you believe in God?
...I really wish I could, him and the one below but I view nature as God. It is the only evidence I see as giving and supporting life. We should be a little nicer to it. (joseph had a really good answer and i like it and agree with it, so i'll keep it!)

Long time... Still broke...

2005-10-07T00:19:46Z

Ok, so out of OCD I decided to go through my bank statement for the last 2 months and mark which puchases were (1) dining out (2) groceries (3) gas (4) conveniece stops (711)... so on and so forth.

Drum roll... (results please)

Dining out = $148.34 (fast food & sit down)
Groceries = $170.95 (bulk groceries and work lunch)
Gas = $181.78
Convenience Stops = $114.81 (cigarettes, drinks, etc)
Clothes = $372.20 (work atire)
"Other" = $254.83
Cash? = 44.25
Medicine = $60
Books = $90.90
Rent/Utilities = @$500

PURPOSE OF THIS EXERCISE... the bolded stuff i could do without. i COULD say teh clothes also, but i NEVER buy clothes, thats why i spent so much when i got a new job. thats not a normal monthly occurance.

so...

$148.34
+$114.81
+$254.83
=$517.98

I'm an IDIOT! but i needed to do this to see how stupid i am...

if you use your checkcard for everything, as i do, i suggest you print out your bank statement (b/c you ALL have online banking) or actually LOOK at your statement when you get it, and go thru and tally up how much you spend and where. you'll be shocked and amazed... maybe not as much as me b/c i'm oblivious to my account balance. but try it. as i was going through i was like 711, Exxon, 711, 711, Mobil, Exxon, Exxon, 711, 711, 711... sometimes 2 times in the same day! I didn't even realize.

word to the wise... watch your $ b/c no one else will!
money is ridiculous!!!

brikatude @ 2005-07-14T22:25:00

2005-07-15T02:50:00Z

as always, there are a lot of things that bother me. a lot of things that i always knew were in the back of my mind are slooooowly being pulled out through things i'm learning in college... at this point in my life, i cant believe i was about to NOT go to college. and that there are so many people IN college not learning anything, just sitting by bitching about amounts of work and difficult readings... why the hell are you here then? oh... right. for that piece of paper that will get you more money... eventually.

getting a college degree has become a standard; they're a dime a dozen and it really doesnt put you that much farther ahead. a lot of people get through college not having learned much, but that is their own fault. in highschool, i thought education was bullshit, because truely it was! i cant remember one teacher who truely wanted to be there, and who had a general interest in teaching us the crap that was required... facts facts facts, and no real way to help us understand what it all meant.

the more you learn, the more insignificant shit starts to take on meaning. concepts, not facts, are more important to me; chronological organization, cause and effect, rather than names, dates, and insignificant details.

i think so many people get discouraged by highschool. its boring, and no one is passionate about teaching, so learning seems boring! we're taught what to think about but not inspired as to HOW we should be thinking about everything. not that we should be taught HOW, but at least inspired to try to intepret things within the context of our lives.

and on a side note, as far as information goes... so many people in the past have expected people to know and understand so much, not ever realizing that there is so much to know, a lot of people have learned very different things. for example, i moved around a lot until i was about 12 years old, learning history from various different states, focusing on varying topics. i got to VA and was expected to know some simple shit i'd never been taught.

there is so much to know out there, and not enough time, even as a student to digest it. i think in a way that turns a lot of people off from learning anything. where should you begin? you find something you're interested in or something that you're passionate about, and there are 5 bagillion sources about the topic, that you have litterally no idea where to begin finding information for yourself. if you're being educated then, anything you read or are turned onto, us supplied for you and other variations of opinion or study arent presented, and i think a lot of people are blind to that too.

technology has given us a lot of ability to access a TON of information, but is that really a good thing if we dont know how to use it? i'm in my 2nd senior year of college and i just now figured out how to use the library, e-reserves, and things like that. yeah, i can find a fucking book using the dewey decimal system, but finding books that i NEED out of all the books that exist? goodluck.

and this idea that technology brings us together, kind of upsets me. i realized that i had a much better social life before AIM and emails and MYSPACE!!! you can send an email to anyone anywhere anytime; crack-berries, laptops, text messages... but when do people really spend time together anymore. the majority of the time i talk to people now is over the phone or online. i get invitations to go to a FRIENDS house via email or myspace comment. its ridiculous.

i feel more alienated from people now than i have my whole life, but i'm getting better about it. avoiding the internet as much as possible. only using it occasionally, and i feel like my people skills have doubled in just a year or so of being less internet inclined, but i STILL use it more than i should, only because i'm forced by the societal norm that internet is a primary source of communication.

i know people who spend too much time online, and are socially retarted, when it comes down to it. then, in being friends with these people, it takes a "people person" to fucking deal with and teach them how to act socially acceptable. they cant talk in person, they hide their thoughts and feelings, and cant hold an intelectual conversation about even insignificant shit to save their lives.

its frustrating... really. i still swear, if i wasnt in school i wouldnt have the internet... and for 6 months while i was not in school, i was online maybe once a week for 5 minutes. where the hell is the moderation? when my roomate stays up all night chatting online, and the first think they do when they get home is jump on the computer?

and dont even get me started on how NOT-PRIVATE technology is. talk about the ways in which people are kept track of... i know i'm not doing anything wrong, but damnit if i dont feel like i deserve some privacy. but there is no privacy on the internet, nope, and not on your cell phones either. but thats why i love the fact that i have freedom of speech, and unless i'm telling you to tear down the government with your bare hands, i'm ok... at least until my dad discovers my livejournal, and catches me having a brain.

<3 brika

spin me round again...

2005-05-31T01:39:08Z

so everything that was "Dramatic" in my life has basically ceased. crazy work and school schedule is no more; the shop is closed... and there was a time i couldn't wait for it. this semester is over with and i obviously couldnt wait for THAT... and the roomate drama has subsided; the hardest thing, breaking off a friendship and kicking someone out has been done...

...so all these things that frustrated me for months are now done. i no longer am as pressed for time as i'd been basically since the end of last summer. i nearly had multiple nervous breakdowns... and now its done, and i feel like i'm having a nervous breakdown NOW!!! everything that i've been doing and the people i've been associating with for a whole year is now over, and i mean, things are ok! i've still got my house, the friends i live with, and my (thus far) amazing boyfriend, but its just a culture-shock to not be surrounded with all of that shit i had kind of become used to!

and i guess its kinda depressing b/c a huge chapter of my life has just come to a close... getting myself into the right place w/ school... this is the first seriously successful semester thus far (all A's and B's), i'd poured my heart out into that job at the florist for a year and half with initial intention of buying in... and a friend for almost as long, a year and a half is now no longer a friend b/c of bullshit. granted, its bullshit that i'm inclined to be mad about, so whatever. like i said to m-dubs, whats a friendship between girlfriends if you dont eventually blow up at one another and never talk again?

thats why i rarely hang out with girls... i'm sure i'm just as guilty.

i guess my life as i've know it is kinda upside down, and its going to be hard to get used to.

light at the end of the tunnel

2005-05-19T21:28:05Z

so, i've got 37 credits left to take at mason...

i've signed up for 15 summer credits, 15 fall credits, which leaves me with 7 spring credits and some electives...
i figure, my parents will help me out if i'm not working, so i'll just NOT WORK for once, and buckle down and study my ass off to get out of this terrible school. then NEXT summer i can run and skip and play and have the time of my life, b/c right now, if i DON'T graduate next spring, i'll be here til two winters from now!!! i want to be done!!! school is the most obnoxious obligation and most tedious!

so summer school is in FULL FULL FULL effect. i hope i can keep motivated.

A Session:

M/T/W/R...
930-1135 = SOCIOLOGY 101
1145-150 = COMM 301
200-405 = COMM 359

C Session:

M/W/F 710-1000PM = COMM 375
T/R 710-10 PM = COMM 454 & SAT 9 AM-12

some people might think that sounds crazy? but i'll tell ya, i'm not working and i'll have all the time in the world, not to mention, if i'm taking one summer school class, i can't travel anywhere, so i might as well take a few. otherwise, these past 2 days of NOTHINGNESS i'm already bored. i couldnt imagine a whole summer.

i want to be done already.

<3 b

musical seasons.

2005-05-13T05:18:39Z

so musically i go through phases... i've been listening to KYI a LOT lately... also, kid dynamite/none more black... bane and such. i go through phases... i just got out of a bigtime leatherface/hotwater listening spree... before that it was songs:ohia/lucero/iron and wine... before it was very jawbreaker/smallbrownbike ish... and before that VERY very modest mouse. its so weird! right now i couldnt imagine listening to modest mouse, but i know i'll be all over it in the fall. maybe these are my musical seasons.

just something i thought about...

ATTENTION!!!

2005-04-19T00:47:19Z

my homegirls and i are still looking for extras (male only) for filming this sunday!!!
if it rains its a no-go, but if it doesnt, then we're straight...

you just need to dress plain! we need "lost boys" and "pirates"... but the pirates are just going to be like tuff punks, and the lost boys are going to be like, dorky grungy ish...

let me know if you're interested!!! the more people the better... but we need people who are willing to be serious! and by serious, i mean serious about tug of war... b/c thats going to be going down as well durring the shoot!

ps. blue/red bandanas are a plus!!!

<3 brika

...its been a while

2005-04-13T02:48:01Z

i thought i killed livejournal:

but...

school is fine
house is alright
work is getting better
my spine is getting straighter
the boyfriend is amazing
i'm making a (short) movie
i hate television
i'm procrastinating a paper
layla's still a bitch
my whole room smells like hyacinth
its 11pm and i'm already thinking about bed
my paper's not going to write itself

the end
<3 brika

karma's a bitch!!!

2005-02-06T00:11:58Z

on top of the previous post... i just dropped the entire glass box full of my all my nice plugs/jewelry and my amber, bone, and glass plugs all shattered beyond repair. over $200 worth of jewelery, bought over 5 years... destroyed in a single second... maybe less.

i'm more mad than i've been in a long LONG time...

this is payback for something terrible that i did a long time ago i'm sure; not that i even remember even doing anything wrong... but i'm sure i did.

karma. hah.

where one area fails you...

2005-02-05T06:53:32Z

so i guess that nothing is ever perfect. for now though, its pretty close. i honestly think what they say is true, that where one area fails you in life, another flourishes or whatnot... ebb and flow if you will. i guess thats why i'm losing the best job i've ever had, and probably will ever have, but to contrast, now i finally feel happy with someone in a relationship... at least so far.

now, i know the florist isnt closing for a while; though it could be a month, it could be three months, it could be a year... but its really a downer that things cant all be going well. other than the fact that the choice has been made to sell the shop (which sucks), work is still going well; we're making money, getting more customers that love us, kicking ass, and taking names. but i dont want any of it to end...

but its going to eventually... i guess its better now before it becomes too much of my life. at least i'm not in a position where i'm deeply relying on it as my FUTURE. otherwise though i'm glad that the other areas of my life seem to be going well. school is awesome, lovelife is awesome, homelife, etc... but i just find it ironic that of course, where one thing gets better, another gets worse.

irony. you bastard.

head in the game

2005-01-06T19:03:18Z

i feel like i'm the only one who gives a shit about certain things anymore. while at work today i had to tell my BOSS and FRIEND that i was sick of hearing negativity b/c it made me want to walk right out the door and never come back.

ok, so if we close... big deal. thats why i'm in school b/c nothing is ever certain cept a degree (or so i hear). so if the shop closes, thats going to suck mostly for crystal, but its her decision to close. i know there are lots of things going wrong right now for everyone, especially shitty b/c its the "NEW YEAR" and its supposed to be a good start... but i dont want to hear from everyone else that they dont want to be coming to work every day, and its the last place they'd wanna be, because i'm the only person left who's trying... EVERY day i'm trying and i cant push a person who doesnt want to try. i held it together as long as i could.

one good thing about the new year is i quit smoking. today is day 6 with no cigarettes since the first day i quit, Jan 01, 2005!!!

oh yeah, cool fact for the day... on my teleflora calendar for January 6th (today) all it says is "Epiphany"... i agree. Epiphany. whatever.

i actually dont want to go to 80s night tonight.

<3 brika

consolidation...

2005-01-05T18:50:57Z

so yeah, as normal, nothing really "exciting" is going on in my life. i think for two years i've been waiting for something to happen out of the norm... something "amazing". maybe i'll force some change. but the kind of change i want right now i cant force right now... i feel stagnant. i am water in a fucking puddle.

well, i've been so lucky to be helped out on the friend consolidation process by a lot of my close friends moving away; ie. wes, carrick, and steve... its frustrating to know that they're gone/going... and the rations of good peoples are getting slimmer and slimmer...

and this is the last 80s night before i go to texas and start school again. i'm thinking about not going anymore in general. i have fun with my friends but for some reason, its just getting old. same songs every damn time. same faces. same white-mans two-step. i think thursday nights from now on should be "try something new for a change" night... and every fucking week we've got to go out and do something ELSE!!! ANYTHING ELSE...

brikatude @ 2004-12-25T11:22:00

2004-12-25T16:21:17Z

i helped out a traveling musician yesterday... stranded on christmas eve in fairfax, getting heckled by the police, trying to get home to florida for christmas. i gave him a ride to the vienna metro and gave him $50 bucks. merry christmas to him...

he grew up in woodbridge and lived in austin for a while. i'm assuming he's just a wanderer, which is cool. and hes from my home town and has lived somewhere i plan on living. it was pretty interesting and not the least bit weird... and i feel better having given him that $50 bucks than spending it on something stupid for myself that i dont need... and now he probably got home.

and still...

2004-12-13T07:09:57Z

...it will eat you alive

xmas list 2k4

2004-12-10T06:03:10Z

not a huge fan of christmas, but while my parents shower my sister in multiple expensive gifts, i figure i might as well cash in on some myself...

so, for xmas i've asked for...

- a coffee maker (a good one that WORKS)
- a gym membership (not sure which one yet)
- the patch (quitting for good hopefully)

all relatively "good for me" gifts... nothing that really SCREAMS christmas, but all things i want/need anyhow.

next semester, i see being a time i'm gonna work real hard (school and work), get good grades and get myself healthy again. eat right, exercise, and get some fucking sleep... because really, what else is there to do??? the very few people i value anymore seem to be drifting away, in more ways than one...

blehhhhhhh... eff it.

my brain is hanging upside down...

2004-12-08T04:48:46Z

fuck.

i sat outside of 711 with liz tonight for a half hour or more people watching. and now i'm fucking pissed off, b/c i just remembered something i wish i hadnt. i guess i wish i'd never known, and never remembered... but i guess you can wish in one hand and shit in the other........... you know.

i've been writing a lot lately.
none of it is any good.

yeah.

fuck.

god i love liz...

2004-12-03T08:44:43Z

happy birthday to liz... tonight was better than i expected...

there are no words...

holy crap!!??!!

2004-11-30T05:40:52Z

wow! stomping on my floor REALLY EFFECTIVELY shuts my roomates RIGHT THE HELL UP!!! its amazing.